After dating my husband for over 7 years, we both thought marriage would be a no brainer walk in the park. That was a lie. This week we celebrate our first anniversary and I now fully understand why people say marriage is hard. However, I can honestly say that all we’ve
endured experienced (individual & together) over this past year has been awesome. Here are some lessons I hope to keep building on over the lifetime we have ahead of us.
Give up all hope of being understood (if you don’t speak up)
Men really are from Mars. No matter how long you’ve been together, men don’t think how women do. If you want something, tell him. If you want him to do something, tell him (with very specific IKEA like instructions). If you want him to explain, stop, buy, continue, fix, organize or remember something – TELL HIM. And remember that it’s ok to always remind him (or set reminders on his phone). It is your job to ask for what you want, once you recognize and accept that, your life will be much easier.
Don’t interpret his actions
His actions just are what they are. If you do find yourself trying to interpret his actions, aspire to the higher motive (not the motive of the bad mood you’re in). When you tell him to do laundry and he doesn’t take clothes out the dryer for days, he simply forgot. He isn’t trying to grind your gears or make a point about your last argument about laundry not being done to your standards.
Disappointment is inevitable
It happens. Get over it. The quicker the better. Don’t allow yourself to be driven by emotions. Stop. Think. And always readdress the issue once you had time to clear your head.
Someone has to be in charge
Accept that this “somebody” will usually be you. This doesn’t mean to be bossy all the time, but for major (and sometimes minor) things to happen, one person usually has to take charge.
Marriage is not 50/50
Right in line with #4, if you go into marriage thinking I do 50 and you do 50 – nothing will get done. Get rid of expectations and entitlement, take the focus off your spouse and put it on you through gratitude and service.
Say thank you and I love you – everyday and every chance you get
I love you babe. Happy Anniversary and thank you for putting up with my craziness.