Finding myself in “NO”


We all do it; say “yes” when you really want to say “no thanks.” This past year, I’ve found myself overwhelmed by work commitments and daily life more than I would have liked to admit.  The requests are endless, from business to personal. Yet, the consistent “yeses” that were not of my truest intentions each time took a part of me that I did not truly want to give.

I got to a point where my need to say no due to overwhelming responsibilities, overpowered my desire to please – and I loved it! I realized that what a person would think of me if I said no, was no longer a good enough reason to say yes. The liberation was exhilarating.

What I’ve realized is that saying yes, should truly come from your heart. If your immediate answer is not a resounding yes, it is ok to think about it and when your whole body feels the “yes” that’s when you should go for it. I’ve found myself in my “no” and know that I am a kind and giving person, even when I say no. I’ve also found peace in the “who does she think she is” comments that may arise because I know who I am.

And now, as the year comes to an end, I am happy to say that this new habit is here to stay! I commit 2017 to be my year of staying true to myself. I will not do anything for anyone that I do not feel with my heart. I will not participate in any activity (business or social) that I do not feel with every single fiber in my soul (I actually have those last two lines written in every monthly view of my 2017 planner).

For those of you struggling with saying no, here are some tips that helped me to my no.

  1. Value your time – As I got older, I recover very very slow. I’ve found myself saying no to many social activities just because I need to be productive the next day. When will my friends get into the habit of day parties? (hint hint)
  2. Know your priorities – Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? I mean, I could just enjoy the silence of my home (I don’t have kids yet).
  3. Try “let me get back to you” – This one has worked lovely, but make sure you do get back to them. After I was able to spend some days truly thinking if I want commit or not, my no comes with less guilt.
  4. Know that is is OK – No seriously, it really is OK. It isn’t the end of the world. If the person making the request chooses to take offense, then you really don’t need them consuming your time and energy.

I encourage you all to give a little more to yourselves in the coming year, what you’ll find is new relationship with yourself that will nourish you beyond your wildest dreams!

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